The Great Goatdini





I woke to the alarm this morning at 6:00, and made my way down the hall to William’s room to roust him for the day.

Along the way I looked out “the goat window”…(formerly known as the chicken window, and later the dog window, perhaps it was even once called the hall window as well, but that would have been decades ago)…to see if the Stetson Ape had been along in the night, and tore down my goat proof fence.

At first glance, everything seemed fine. The dogs were living out their never ending Wednesday routine…(think about it. It’ll come to you…Got it yet? Give it a minute.)… and the goats were sleeping in a pile.

Well sort of anyway. Billy and Smeck were in a pile, up against the fence, and Kramer was touching the pile through the fence.

When they heard me at the window, “Kramer shouted, “HEY!!! Let me in!!!” Billy and Smeck shouted, “Hey! Kramer’s out! Let US out too!”

William gave me his Thursday morning routine, “Aaaaah! I HATE Thursday! Why can’t today be FRIDAY!”

Playing along, I replied “It doesn’t matter! You’d still have to get up, even if it WAS Friday, so let’s get a move on!”

“Yeah BUT then tomorrow would be Saturday, and I wouldn’t have to get up then!”

“No ‘buts’!  Now unless you want to help me catch Kramer, I suggest you get up, and get in the shower!”

“Hold on! I’m up! Jeeze! I’m up! See? Relax!” He ran past me and jumped into the shower, before I could change my mind, and make him help me “HEP!” the goats.

Once outside I headed for the goat pen. Kramer came up to see me. I told him, “Come on buddy, let’s get back in the pen.”

He looked at me, and he looked at the raspberry bushes beside us. Then he looked at me again. Then he looked through the fence at Smeck who was demanding that I release him at once, or suffer the consequences. Then he looked past me at the bin where the grain is stored.

“Come on Kramer! Get back in the pen, buddy…I have to cook breakfast for William. Now I had planned on steak, but I suppose I could change things up a bit, and make it goat kabobs…”

“Hold on! I’m going in! Jeeze! I’m at the gate! See? Relax”

So now he is back in with the other two, demanding to be released. I have GOT to figure out how that goat keeps getting out! I’ve looked along the entire fence, and for the life of me, I am stumped!

Doug Alley

About Doug Alley

I grew up in Bath, Maine in an upper lower class family with 3 step sisters, a step brother, and a little sister. After high school I spent 3 years serving in the USAF at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage AK. I've competed in, and won, demolition derbies. I've competed in, and never won, stock car races. I am the 47-year-old father of an 11-year-old boy who is pretty sure he is smarter than I ever was. We live on a little less than an acre of land in a 1973 mobile home in Stetson with my wife Jen, some cats, a few chickens, and rabbits, and a couple of goats. I hunt, fish, camp out, dabble in photography, gardening, and I cook in variable degrees of near success.