Goats launch chemical attack on Stetson man

Late Saturday afternoon a Stetson man was attacked by a group of goats, as he over saw their grazing activities. The three goats had been feeding on weeds, grasses, and fallen apples in an over grown section of a Stetson property when the attack occurred.

Complete details are unclear at the moment, but it appears that one of goats moved away from his companions, and started grazing in another section of the yard. That is when Doug Alley, 46 of Stetson, moved to keep watch, while his wife and son remained behind to maintain watch of the other two goats.

Suddenly, without warning, a goat named Kramer charged Mr. Alley in an attempt to pass by him. Mr. Alley used a “HEP! Pole” (A device Mr. Alley states is a highly advanced goat herding tool costing him hundreds of dollars, and is NOT a ski pole), in an attempt to keep the goat in the grazing area. The goat reared up at Mr. Alley, and struck him in the arm with a hoof.

After the goat attacked Mr. Alley, who undoubtedly saved his own life with his “HEP!” Pole skills, it made a move on a grain storage bin located a few yards away.

While Mr. Alley attempted to pursue the goat, his other two companions used the diversion to make their run on the grain bin as well.

Mr. Alley states that as one of the goats passed him, he heard it say, “Hope you like scratching FATBOY!”

Later that evening, Mr. Alley noticed the very distinct red rash with oily yellow blisters commonly associated with Toxicodendron dermatitis on his right arm.

Tests later confirmed that the hoof of the goat had been laced with a chemical resin, found in the Toxicodenderon radicans plant, called urushoil.

Toxicodenderon radicans, more commonly known as poison ivy, though toxic to 85% of all humans, is not thought to have an effect on goats, and is actually a favorite food item to them.

Mr. Alley is likely to endure many days of suffering, but in the end should make a full recovery. The goats are currently being kept in their pen, and have had their grazing privileges temporarily suspended.


Mr. Alley seen at a happier time, picking apples with his son. (photo courtesy of the Alley Family)


*** IMPORTANT UPDATE:  Early Sunday morning we received a report that Mr. Alley’s conditioned has seemed to worsen.  He is now reporting an itchy rash just above his right eye.  It is unclear if he will loose his vision in that eye, but we will certainly keep you posted.  If you would like to contribute to Mr. Alley’s recovery, donations of lobster, or cash would greatly be appreciated.

Doug Alley

About Doug Alley

I grew up in Bath, Maine in an upper lower class family with 3 step sisters, a step brother, and a little sister. After high school I spent 3 years serving in the USAF at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage AK. I've competed in, and won, demolition derbies. I've competed in, and never won, stock car races. I am the 47-year-old father of an 11-year-old boy who is pretty sure he is smarter than I ever was. We live on a little less than an acre of land in a 1973 mobile home in Stetson with my wife Jen, some cats, a few chickens, and rabbits, and a couple of goats. I hunt, fish, camp out, dabble in photography, gardening, and I cook in variable degrees of near success.