My first (and LAST day) as an emergency dispatch operator

“This blog post is fiction and the events described did not happen. Please enjoy.”

Sunday, May 28 was the first day of my new job as an emergency dispatch operator for the Bangor area.

As it turned out, I would only take one call. But the guy must have been some kind of criminal mastermind or something…Here’s the transcript from what happened on my end of the call, you decide.


“9-1-1 what is the nature of your emergency?

A bank robery?

On Sunday?

You REALLY expect me to believe that crap???

Do you know how much trouble you can get in for a false report like that?

Is this some kind of joke?

It is, isn’t it? SURE! Prank the new guy! HA! Really funny you guys!

What? It’s not a joke?

I send all these cops out to a closed bank on a Sunday afternoon, there’s gonna be some Hell to pay when it turns out to be BS…and it all rains down on YOU! Feel me? I’m not gonna take the blame for this one!

Now… You STILL wanna say you’re being robbed?

Oh…You don’t?

Yeah I thought so. Aint nobody gonna believe a bank is getting robbed on Sunday you dumbass!

What? You say you’re no longer being robbed because the suspect got all the money and has fled towards the Wal-Mart?

OK! If you insist, I’ll roll a few units to come check it out!”


Now…What I want to know…Is WHEN did banks start being open on Sundays, and why has it taken me so long to find out about it???


(Please be aware that although everything I post seems to be 100% entirely accurate it IS possible that I just might tell a tall tale or two…And this JUST MIGHT be one of those times.  Chances are, if you are seeing this little blurb there might be a little more, or A LOT less to the story.  Meaning I either left out some important information, or I fed you a whole load of the stuff my chickens and goats leave me on a daily basis.  Either way, I hope you enjoy my blogs, and I PROMISE, some of them REALLY do happen as I have suggested, or they REALLY do express the way I feel about a certain subject…Just not likely in this particular instance!  I hope you keep coming back!)


Doug Alley

About Doug Alley

I grew up in Bath, Maine in an upper lower class family with 3 step sisters, a step brother, and a little sister. After high school I spent 3 years serving in the USAF at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage AK. I've competed in, and won, demolition derbies. I've competed in, and never won, stock car races. I am the 47-year-old father of an 11-year-old boy who is pretty sure he is smarter than I ever was. We live on a little less than an acre of land in a 1973 mobile home in Stetson with my wife Jen, some cats, a few chickens, and rabbits, and a couple of goats. I hunt, fish, camp out, dabble in photography, gardening, and I cook in variable degrees of near success.