Who needs the Super Bowl when you have Wal-Mart?

Walking through Wal-Mart last night with my wife, and seeing all the Super Bowl advertising, and merchandise reminded me of another time I was in Wal-Mart during Super Bowl season.

I had just come out of the Dunkin Donuts, and I was sitting there outside the hair salon enjoying a hot cup of coffee with a shot of almond, a shot of hazelnut, a shot of raspberry, and a chocolate swirl.

This big old guy who likely dressed out at a good 350 pounds is tooling along on one of them mall carts, and gawking into the grocery section.

Well apparently the mall cart needed an alignment, cause the old dude, who thought he was heading straight and true, PLOWED into the ice freezer at full throttle, and just sits there kinda confused.

Meanwhile, this woman who was about 5 paces behind him, is walking along with her head turned away, and yammering on about making a dip for The Super Bowl to a woman in line at the checkout.

Next thing you know… BAM she just walks right into the old guy in the mall cart and dropped her groceries all over the place!

A jug of water burst open, some eggs peeked out of an open carton, as the gooey whites and yolks spilled out…I swear it was just like something out of a movie!

She just stood there, like two feet in front of me, looking at the mess.

There is a moment of silence in the store as everybody stops what they are doing to take in the whole scene, and then all at once, everybody goes on about their business again.

I had a front row seat for it all…But all I could think was… There was too much sugar in my coffee!

Doug Alley

About Doug Alley

I grew up in Bath, Maine in an upper lower class family with 3 step sisters, a step brother, and a little sister. After high school I spent 3 years serving in the USAF at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage AK. I've competed in, and won, demolition derbies. I've competed in, and never won, stock car races. I am the 47-year-old father of an 11-year-old boy who is pretty sure he is smarter than I ever was. We live on a little less than an acre of land in a 1973 mobile home in Stetson with my wife Jen, some cats, a few chickens, and rabbits, and a couple of goats. I hunt, fish, camp out, dabble in photography, gardening, and I cook in variable degrees of near success.